Tuesday Talk: Kawania Wooten
March 30, 2021
featuring Kawania Wooten, with Howerton + Wooten Events
REBECCA: Hey Friends! I wanted to sit down with Kawania Wooten today and get a little bit more insight. So, one thing we all focus on are the successes in life. I think a lot of times we like to hear about people's successes; what we've done that's big and fun and interesting. But we don't often get to see the hardships, stumbling blocks, the failures that people who are hugely successful have to go through and experience along the way. So, Kawania, what would you say was your biggest failure - mishap in your career, and what did you learn from that?
KAWANIA: So, my biggest failure was actually that before I started my business, I got fired. It was you know I would love to say that it wasn't my fault, but I had to take some ownership in that. And I remember being devastated and people saying to me, Kawanaia when one door closes another one opens. And at that point I'm cynical, I'm angry, and I remember saying that my God, I wish people would stop saying that. And my father said, hey you know baby if you keep focusing on the door that's closed, you won't even see when the other door opens. And I remember being struck by that statement. And he also around the same time one of my girlfriends said, you're free. And there was at that point I had just finished reading a book called The Secret Life of Bees and there was a line in the book where the little girl had opened the jar and the bees didn't leave the jar and she said that's the things about these bees right now, they don't know they're free. So they didn't know to leave the jar. And that little thought in my head was, my jar is open. And so instead I had looked for a new job. I had actually gotten a job offer and it was a dream job by a lot of people's standards, but it required me to travel to Europe a lot. And my son was 7 at the time and I realized this was my opportunity to try something else and at the same time be very present in his life. And so I didn't take the job and started Howerton Wooten Events and during the process, I worked a lot, so I'm not going to tell you I had all this free time with my son, but I could set my schedule in waves. And it's funny because I still wake up early because of this, but I would wake up about 4:30 - 5 o'clock every morning and I did that so I could get my day started. I would take him to school, continue to work, but when I picked him up at 3:30, I would take him to the park because I'd put in plenty of hours at that point and I didn't feel guilty about it. So he and I are, even though we probably could kill each other, he and I are about as close as a mother and son could get. And I know a lot of that has to do because of the choice I was able to make and the life that I had set myself up for to be able to live. And that to me is much more important than traveling to Paris every year. So yeah, lost my job and took that new path and I don't regret it one bit.
REBECCA: You know it's amazing. I think a lot of people forget in those moments of seeing a failure like that, or you identify it as a failure, whatever it might be. I think a lot of people forget that you have the power to take the experiences and turn them into something positive and powerful. Like you were just saying, even if it's not necessarily a career thing, even if you hadn't started your company, just having that time for your son and how you structured your life around it, that's pretty awesome.
KAWANIA: I feel very blessed you know because while he and my husband are close, my son and I have a very different relationship. I know the secrets. As I told him, I know where the bodies are buried. I know all the good stuff and I know it because he is comfortable telling me those things. I mean, he's also comfortable fussing at me and saying the things sons should never say to their parents, but I'm his person and I know that because I've been there through thick and thin.
LAUREN: And that's so special. I feel like not a lot of people can probably say that about their relationships they have with their children, period. It might be a really wonderful relationship, but that kind of depth and that time that you got to spend to really be together and develop that relationship.
KAWANIA: Oh yeah, to the point that when he was in the eighth grade, he actually tried to pay me not to chaperone an event because I think he had had enough of me. And I was like, oh for that reason I'm definitely coming!
LAUREN: And the one after that, and the one after that.
REBECCA: You know what I also love, I love that you are showing how you can have a family and a successful career all at once. I think so many women think they can't. I know that's not the topic we're talking about, but I love it. I think it's so important for women to know you can do both and do it well. It doesn't mean you have to have one or the other.
KAWANIA: No, but here there is some truth to you can't have it all. You have to make some sacrifices and you have to decide what you can live without. So when he was about - it's funny that I had this conversation with a seven-year-old - I'm like alright, here's the deal, when I'm working I'm not going to feel guilty that I'm not with you, but when I'm with you, I'm with you 100%. Because what I refuse to be is the guilt-ridden mother. Oh my gosh, I'm not spending time with my child. Nope, but when I'm with him - so when he had piano lessons every Wednesday, we would go to California Tortilla afterward and I would purposely put my phone in the glove box of the car so that he got my undivided attention. And then there were times where we'd go out to dinner on Friday. Maybe he had a half-day of school and one funny time is I remember my husband joining us and my son was annoyed. It's almost like no you're taking away her attention from me. This is my time! You're going to have to get your own time, dude.
LAUREN: Right. That was your special time together.
KAWANIA: Yeah, and so that is how we made it work. My rule is as long as I am in town, I was at every recital, every school event, every parent-teacher conference, I was there. But if I was traveling for work or anything, I wasn't there and I didn't feel guilty about it. This is just life. It's how it is. I'm not going to be there 100% of the time. I'm not going to put that on myself.
REBECCA: Balance.
KAWANIA: Yeah. And I mean I missed stuff, but he knew he had me if I was there. Now there have been a couple of recitals, not going to lie I was like [imitates snoring] and I may have been in the first or second row a couple of those times I did that. He thought that - I remember he said I fell asleep he goes, oh yeah we saw ya. You know, but he wasn't mortified, it was more like ah she's probably tired, but I was there. So, you know it was just understanding that you don't have to be perfect to do your job well or to do motherhood well. Most of the time your child just wants to know you have their back.
REBECCA: Finding that life balance is so important.
KAWANIA: Or just finding those pockets, because you know, I think balance is a bit of a myth. You know I'm either working all the time or I'm volunteering in the work slips a little bit. It's just being able to make it work so that you're not anxious or wound up about it, so that was my biggest moment where I thought I bombed. I mean, I've had, and I am very open about that. I've had a lot of failures running Howerton Wooten Events. And honest to goodness, I own every single one of them because if nothing else I walk away staying I will never do that again, or what am I taking away from this? How am I growing? And you know sometimes it's required me to say I'm sorry a couple of times, you know? And that's a hard one for us. We don't want to apologize because we don't want to admit we were wrong. I may have flubbed something up and I have to come back and say you know what? I messed that one up and I am really - I take ownership of that. And usually, again just like your child just wants to know you have their back, sometimes people just want to feel validated. So if you can come and say, okay I didn't get that one right. I apologize and this is how I am going to make it up to you. That goes a long way.
LAUREN: It really does. And those are kind of the best learning tools also, just throughout your career and in this industry. That's how we build and grow. And if you've never messed up, how would you ever know what to do in a crisis? Or is something else is going wrong that maybe isn't even your fault, you know?
KAWANIA: I wrote my crisis management book and just about everything was based on the stuff that I went through. And these are no doubt … One of my first conferences, it was in the middle of an earthquake. The biggest earthquake to hit San Francisco since 1906. Fast forward six years, was the first one I was the leader of a corporate conference and my keynote speaker died from a heart attack the night before the conference in Toronto. So we were not even in an American hospital and there I learned that now I need to collect emergency information for people. And then we fast forward six years again and I was planning an 1100 person foundation dinner in Manhattan that was scheduled to take place the day after 9/11. So, I have learned something from everything I've been through and then used that to prepare myself better for the next time. As I've shared stories about feeling like I can't do something, that's very different when things are out of your control. And as I tell my team, you don't have to be the most vocal, but you have to be the Alpha. And you have to be the one that people feel comfortable coming to in a time of crisis because the event planner's people rely on us for that. And so that's probably one of the biggest lessons I've learned. I was around people who were much higher levels than me for 9/11 and they were asking me, Kawania, what are we doing here? I want to go home. I don't know about this. I want to get out of here. And it taught me that in a moment of crisis, and I stayed calm, which goes back to the very first conference that I planned where they said that was one of my best skills, that I could - you’ve got to think on your feet. And be able to say alright, I got a plan, but let me come back to you and then figure it out. But those things all teach us how to be better at our job if we pay attention. Because if you get deep in the minutiae of being a victim, you won't learn a thing.
LAUREN: Thank you so much again for sharing all of your wisdom, all of your knowledge. We just love learning more from you and about you and so appreciate you taking more time out of your day today!
KAWANIA: It's my pleasure and thank you. Thank you for the opportunity.